Perfect Imperfections
by Galxychld
Summary: After the return of Marian, Regina finds herself at a crossroads in her relationship with Robin Hood. Focusing on building her relationships with other friends in the town, an unexpected discovery and a new foe lead her to become more of a hero than she knew she could be. An AU Outlaw Queen with some Snow Queen moments.
1. Chapter 1

**Perfect Imperfections**

 _Author's Note: So here is my second OUAT story, and it so happens to be Outlaw Queen. I just love the pairing of the two of them, and I was soooooo MAD at the writers and producers for the travesty of a season 3 finale! And in this story Emma will not be in the best light, because she annoys me and I don't know why everyone's so gaga about her and every mess-up is forgiven. This will be slowish burn OQ, but most definitely OQ, and my own take on Elsa. Hope you all enjoy!_

 **Chapter 1**

Regina rushed out of Granny's and paused at the entrance of the arch, the very place where Robin had kissed her sweetly and possessively just a few minutes earlier. She put a hand to her forehead and breathed deeply, sounding perilously close to a sob. She'd been oh, so happy just then, holding tight to Roland as they walked together, sharing kisses with Robin, and now…Now her entire world had been shattered in mere moments. She let out a harsh breath.

It was almost…poetic, she supposed. Every time happiness had come into her life, it had never ebbed or faded away. No, it had been ripped away without warning, leaving her raw and bloody, emotionally. Daniel's heart ripped out of his chest and crushed before her eyes, the promise of a sweet little boy named Owen, Henry pushing her away to bring back not just his biological mother but the Savior to destroy her curse…all of those losses had blindsided her, had left her reeling from the blow. And now Robin and Roland and the tender possibility of a life they might have built for themselves with Henry, torn away just as suddenly as every other time she'd thought she could be happy.

She heard the door open behind her, and closed her eyes. Not her, not now. She could hear Emma approaching and braced herself.

"Regina-"

"Now now, Swan." _And not ever again_ , were the only thoughts Regina had.

"I'm sorry. When I brought Marian back I didn't know who she was. I didn't intend to cause you pain." Emma was truly apologetic for what she had done. And she was realizing an uncomfortable truth. She'd been working towards something with Regina that she'd never imagined: friendship. And she had the feeling that was all blown to bits.

"Well, your intentions really don't matter. Because once again, I felt the brunt of heroism. Always the villain." Regina's voice was sharp and angry, but underneath it was a world of pain. She let out a small huff. "Even when I'm not."

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Emma was defensive, because she knew perfectly well that tampering with time and Fate were sure to come back and bite her in the ass. Even Hook had tried to warn her. And here was the first nip. The trust Regina had started to extend to her was very clearly being revoked.

"Well, you were dumb enough to travel through time. Maybe you should've left things well enough alone!"

Emma clenched her jaw, but her guilt kept her from saying something she would regret. Instead, she said, "I am not gonna apologize for saving someone's life."

Regina felt a headache beginning to throb across her skull. How dense could Emma be? Fate had a _pattern_ , and if you messed with that pattern, it was not only yourself that was going to get well and truly screwed, but the people around you as well.

"She was going to die anyway. What did it matter?"

"It mattered where she was a person! And whatever she did, she didn't deserve to die." Even as she said it, Emma knew that was wrong. She'd really had no idea why Marian had been in the cell, only that she'd been helping Snow. She had no idea what that entailed, had not even stopped to think if by helping Snow, Marian had hurt someone or put them in danger. She'd just been so sure that Marian was innocent simply because she'd been a prisoner of Regina…

Regina confirmed the naiveté of that answer. "Well, maybe she did!"

"Well, you would know. I saved her from you!"

Regina was clearly taken aback, and clearly hurt by Emma's assumption that she was still that person. Emma had not said she saved Marian from Regina's past self, but from _you_ , from the now. And to Regina's mind, that indicated that in spite of everything she'd done, all the work to be better, saving Emma's baby brother, for God's sake, she was still the Evil Queen in their minds.

She took a ragged breath.

"The woman who did that…that was the person I was, not the person I am. I worked very hard to build a future…a future that's now gone."

Emma felt her heart sink down to her shoes at Regina's tone. She'd not meant to imply that Regina was still her past self, but she'd lashed out in guilt, and the hit had scored. She tried to soothe Regina.

"You don't know that."

"Well, I know it's complicated enough that his _dead_ wife is back!"

Emma's brow furrowed.

"Regina, for that I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do to help-"

"Miss Swan," Regina said, cutting Emma off and letting out a breathy laugh choked with tears, "the more you try to help, the worse my life becomes."

The sour feeling in Emma's stomach was all the confirmation she needed that the only person in this town that could be her friend was lost to her. She'd started a friendship with Mary Margaret, but now that she was Snow, and her _mother_ , that whole thing had changed. Her year away in New York had eroded any friendship with Ruby Lucas, and in spite of helping them in the Enchanted Forest, she'd never gotten close to Aurora or Mulan, or Ashley for that matter, and Tinkerbell was close to Regina, not her. And the fairies? Not even a chance. She'd found it very hard to connect to people in this town, especially women, and the one person that she'd been becoming friends with, both because they loved Henry and had oddly similar temperaments, she'd irreparably hurt. And all because she, in the end, really couldn't leave well enough alone.

She tried to reach out to Regina, to reassure her, to say _something_ , when the door opened again. She heard voices, Robin's clear among them, and saw Regina's eyes widen.

"Regina!" Robin called out, and the former Queen sucked in a pained breath as she saw him pulling Marian along with him out the door.

"Oh, God, I can't do this," she choked out. There was no way in hell she could stand around and make nice with Robin's… _wife_ …when her heart was shattering. She whirled on one heeled boot and headed away from the diner. She heard Robin call her name again, and looked back to see that he had every intention of coming after her. Her eyes widened as tears crowded them, and in a swirl of pale purple smoke she was gone.

Emma sighed in defeat, one hand outstretched as Regina disappeared. Well, damn. This was going to make things more difficult. She turned as Robin slowed to a stop behind her, and noticed the disappointed look on his face. He let go of Marian and came up close to Emma.

"I need to go after her," he said in a low urgent voice. Emma wanted to roll her eyes. Was he that clueless? She grabbed his arm and pulled him closer still.

"Do you honestly think that Regina wants that? The man she was hoping to build a future with coming up to introduce her to his _wife_? Did you even _see_ her face before you started to go after her? Robin, just…just let her be for now."

Robin swallowed and looked at Emma and to where Regina had disappeared. She was right, she was, he hadn't been thinking of what Regina was feeling. _What a fool I am_ , he thought. He'd wanted to show Marian that Regina was different, changed…and it was more for him than for her. Showing Marian a changed Regina was so that he could feel better about his relationship with her. He closed his eyes in shame. When Marian had appeared, he'd basically tossed Regina aside and hadn't even given her a thought until he'd noticed Emma leaving, with Regina nowhere in sight. The relationship they'd been building, and his feelings for her, were nothing to be ashamed of. He opened his eyes, determination in them. He would find Regina and explain.

Emma saw the look in his eyes and let out a breath. _Stubborn ass_ , she thought, but before either she or Robin could move, the door opened again, and out came Killian, followed by her mother and father, Snow cradling Emma's brand-new sibling. Their faces were concerned, and Snow looked around for a moment before her eyes found Emma.

"Where's Regina?" she asked. Her eyes flicked quickly to Marian standing quiet on the bottom step, confusion in her face but also a flash of anger at the mention of the former Queen. She sighed. The sight of Robin hugging this woman in the diner, hearing him call her Marian and realizing what that meant for both Robin, and especially Regina, made her concerned for Regina's state of mind, especially when she'd watched her rush out of the diner. She faced her daughter.

"Emma, where'd Regina go? I wanted her to meet Neal." She gently rocked the baby in her arms. She'd hoped to ask Regina if she would be a godmother to little Neal. She knew that Regina would be surprised at the request, but she'd talked about it with David at length, and despite his protests he'd reluctantly agreed that after Regina saving Neal, there was no one on Earth that they could trust more to protect and care for their son. She looked at back Emma, who just shook her head.

"We were…talking, and then when Robin came out, she…left." Emma studiously avoided looking at Robin or Marion as she answered.

Snow frowned at her daughter's hesitant response. Oh, this wasn't good. There was no sign of Regina, which meant she'd used magic to poof out of there, and if she was using magic for something as mundane as leaving the diner, then she was in a far worse state of mind than Snow had thought.

Emma sighed as Henry exited the diner next. Perfect-everyone was coming to the party. She met her mother's eyes.

"I should go after her. She was…upset…when she left."

"Whoa, love, no one should go after that one when she's in that state." Killian held out a hand, warning in his eyes as he added, "especially not you, after, well, _her_." His head tilted slightly in Marian's direction.

"This.,. is because of _you_?" Henry's voice was upset, and Emma looked over at her son to see him staring back at her with anger in his eyes. He took the last few steps down and stopped, looking around him. His gaze settled on Killian, but his words encompassed everyone.

"You all think she's going to do something, but she's not. You know that! She saved everyone, and you still think she's going to do something bad. Can't you see how much she's changed?"

"We know, Henry," Snow soothed. "We do. We're just worried about how she feels right now...and if we can help." Her clear, direct gaze told her grandson that she was sincere in her concern for Regina.

"What is wrong with all of you?"

Marian's voice, high with emotion and somewhat shrill, added to the tense atmosphere. "Why are you all so concerned about _her_? Don't you know who she is, what she's _done_? She's the Evil Queen!"

"No, she's not!"

Both Henry and Snow's voices rang out in perfect unison, and they looked at each other in surprise, before Snow continued in answering Marian.

"She hasn't been for a long time now. It took us a while to see it, but she has changed. She used Light Magic, and nothing that is evil can do that. And she saved my son from certain death…and saved yours from the same."

Marian took a step back in shock, her mouth open but nothing coming out. Henry took a step closer to Emma, and for a moment his angry face made him look like an entirely different person.

"I can't believe you did this," he said to Emma, his voice low and tight. "You had no idea what that person would have or should have done, but you decided to just drag her along with you. And now look what you did!"

He turned away from Emma, whose brow furrowed in surprise at his reaction towards her, and advanced on Robin. If anything, his expression was even fiercer than before.

"And you," he started, "you didn't even think about my mom! Someone appears out of the blue and you just ignored her like she wasn't even there! She was happy! She was happier than I've ever seen her, and you just ripped it _away_ from her!"

At the word _away_ , he stepped forward and shoved Robin, ignoring Emma's gasped " _Henry!_ " as he turned away from the man. Robin, for his part, offered no resistance or reprimand, Henry's words unleashing another wave of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

Just then Roland pushed open the door and ran to Robin, who scooped him up in his arms.

"Papa," he began, "I waited like you said but it was a too long time!" He looked around him then, a frown settling on his small face. "Papa, where is my Gina? She said she was going to read me a story when we got home and tuck me in."

After Henry's outburst, Roland's innocent words made Robin feel as though something heavy had slammed into his chest, and he had to take a deep breath before answering his son.

"Regina isn't feeling too well right now, my boy, and she decided she needed to go home."

Roland stared at his father thoughtfully and then said, "Can you go and get her for me then?"

Robin swallowed hard. "I'm afraid I can't right now, Roland."

At that, the little boy wriggled in his arms, clearly wanting down, and once Robin put him on his feet, he made a beeline to Snow, to the surprise of everyone there. He tugged on her sweater, and Snow exchanged a glance with David before handing him their son and kneeling down to bring her to Roland's level. The child looked at her intently, his dark eyes and little face solemn.

"Princess, can you find her for me?"

Snow was a bit startled with his use of her title, before remembering that all of them, including Roland, had their memories back from their year in the Enchanted Forest, and for a year this little boy had known her as Princess Snow. She ran a hand over Roland's tumbled curls.

"What makes you think I can find her, Roland?"

The child cocked his head to the side.

"You're a princess. They can get whatever they want. And back in the other place I saw you being friends with Regina."

Snow smiled faintly at the child's idea that she could get whatever she wanted by virtue of being a princess; how very untrue that had turned out to be.

"Why do you want to find Regina? Surely your papa, or your…mother…can read to you and tuck you in."

Roland leaned in a little closer, but his high piping voice was still clear.

"Papa said she is hurting, maybe her tummy like me when I don't feel good, and when someone is hurt you have to help them feel better if you love them. And I love Regina and she loves me, so I have to help her."

She could hear Marian's gasp and a pained sound from Robin, but Snow ignored both and gently clasped Roland's small hand in hers.

"We will find her, Roland, but it may have to wait until morning, because I know it's past your bedtime and probably will soon be Regina's bedtime. But we will find her, I promise."

Roland nodded. "Thank you, Princess." He gave her a quick hug around her neck and ran back to his father. Everyone refrained from commenting that he ignored Marian, which was to be expected, after all; she was basically a stranger to him.

Henry frowned then. It had been a while since his mother had left the diner, and he desperately wanted to find her. He knew she had to be hurting, and he wanted to be away from the group and in her arms as soon as possible. He knew he'd messed up ever since finding Emma, ignoring his mother's attempts to be good as well as the ten long years that she'd loved him with all her heart and made his childhood wonderful. But now he was going to do his best to make it up to her, and the first thing he needed to do was find her.

"I'm going to go find my mom," he announced, "and I would like someone to help me. Not you," he interrupted as Emma opened her mouth, her posture deflating at his rejection, and then he turned his gaze on Robin. "And definitely not _you_. You've both done enough." He turned to regard the other two men, and settled on David.

"Grandpa? Could you help me find her, please? I've got a bad feeling."

David looked over at Snow, who nodded, and handed her back tiny Neal. Henry was right; he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach as well. He stepped down and placed a hand on Henry's shoulder.

"All right, Henry, we'll go find her." He turned to the rest of the group and tightened his jacket. "Everyone else, get home. And bundle up. It's freezing right now." He walked back to Snow swiftly and kissed her cheek. "I'll call you when we find her," he murmured, and Snow nodded.

He and Henry headed out of the diner's courtyard, eyes ahead, though David couldn't help noticing stricken looks on both Robin's and Emma's faces. They got in David's pickup and headed for the mansion.

"I hope she's there," Henry murmured softly as they drove. David looked at him curiously.

"Why wouldn't she be?"

Henry shook his head. "She's upset. She might head home, but if she spent time with Robin there…she might not want to go there. There's her office and the mausoleum. But let's check my house first anyway."

Upon reaching the home, Henry used his key and hurried inside.

"Mom!" he called out. There was no answer. He checked in the kitchen and study, and ran up the stairs. She wasn't in her room or his, nor the bathroom. In fact, the whole house had an empty feel to it. He joined David back in the kitchen.

"She's not here," he said. David nodded.

"Let's check her mausoleum first, and if she isn't there, then we'll head back to town and look in her office."

Regina was neither in the mausoleum nor her office, and the bad feeling in David's stomach was growing to be a huge hole. Where in the hell would Regina go? Not the forest, that was sure. The town line? He hesitated before pulling open the door to his truck, looking over at his grandson, who was now looking very troubled. Henry looked back at him and shook his head.

"If you're thinking the town line, Grandpa, I was thinking the same thing, but I don't think she went there. For one thing, she can cross the town line without a problem, remember? And she wouldn't want to forget me, not after I spent a year away from her. No, she's somewhere else." He bit his lip, concentrating, and then a look of horror spread across his face.

"Henry?" David saw his grandson turn to him, his eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh, God, Grandpa, I think I know where she went. The barn. We need to get to the barn right now."

He jumped in the truck, and David quickly followed. As they set off towards the barn where Zelena had tried to kill his son, David tried to make sense of Henry's guess.

"Why would she go there? Emma and Killian said the portal shut behind them."

Henry shook his head. "They're not experienced with magic. The portal may have shut, but it doesn't mean it's _closed._ Mom is Zelena's sister, and her magic may be similar enough, and strong enough, to reactivate it."

"But why would she want to go through?" David asked, and then his eyes widened. "Is she still trying to get rid of Snow?"

"No," Henry whispered. "I think she's forgiven her by now. No, Mom must feel like everything she does gets destroyed in the end, and anything she loves gets taken away." He looked at David with tears in his eyes. "Grandpa, I think she's going to try and go back and get rid of _herself_. That way she'll never be hurt, and she must think that we'll be better off without her."

David caught his breath. For an instant, he thought about a world without Regina, without the Evil Queen, and if he and Snow would have been happy and raised Emma peacefully in their kingdom, and not missed a moment of her life. And then he let his breath out harshly. For in truth, without Regina, there would not have _been_ a Snow and Charming. No Cora scheming to get her daughter to marry a king, no dead Queen Ava, no dead King Leopold. Snow would have been raised a proper princess and engaged to a proper prince. She would never have been on the run, would never have met him in the woods, and they would never have fallen in love. He would have ridden quietly to Midas's kingdom, and without Snow's talk of True Love, would likely have married Abigail, and doomed the two of them to a miserable life where her True Love was eternally trapped and he never found his. There would still be enemies in the forms of Rumplestiltskin, George, and Maleficent. There would not have been the stealing of Maleficent's egg, and then the potential of _two_ dragons close by. Zelena would still have come to wreak havoc and try to cast a Dark Curse, and who knows what _that_ Curse would have entailed?

And there would have been no Emma, and no Neal. His heart clenched at the thought of life without his children. And without Emma, there would have been no Henry. He swallowed hard. If Henry was right, and Regina was heart-broken enough to think that life would be better without her, then everything, _everything_ , would be gone, ripped apart as though it had never existed. They had to get to her before she could act.

As they drove up to the barn, David was startled to see patches of ice everywhere. It had been unusually cold in town, but not cold enough for this. He stopped the truck, and Henry hopped out before David had a chance to turn off the engine. He stepped out, and shivered. He could see his breath in the air. How could it be so much damned colder here than in town? He rubbed his arms. Henry had disappeared around the corner of the barn.

Suddenly Henry called out, " _Mom!_ " and David broke into a run as a moment later Henry yelled, louder and shriller, " _Grandpa, help!_ " He skidded around the corner and his eyes widened.

When Henry had jumped out of the truck, he had hurried around to the front of the barn, praying he wouldn't see the glow of an open portal. How could his mom think that it would be better without her? Once he'd gotten his memories back, he'd realized that _nothing_ was better without her. Even though he'd thought, in that past year, that he'd lived his whole life with Emma, at the bottom of his heart he had felt uneasy, incomplete. Though his _head_ hadn't known it, his _heart_ was aware that a vital component was missing; it was aware that without Regina, his life wasn't whole.

And then he saw her. His mother was lying on the ground, a crumpled heap of black coat and tumbled dark hair, and she wasn't moving. He dropped to his knees and frantically felt for a pulse.

"Mom!"

He found it, but it was weak, and her skin was ice cold. He shrieked for David. Once the Prince had rounded the corner, he ran to them.

David caught his breath as he dropped to his knees. He felt for Regina's pulse, and like Henry, he could feel that it was weak and thready. She was unconscious, and the skin against his fingers was icy. Her lips were blue. He quickly picked her up in his arms, and her light weight startled him. He knew she wasn't physically a big person, but her personality made her seem so much more, and it really hadn't occurred to him that she would be so small, slimmer than Snow, and lighter. He hurried to the truck.

"Henry, get in. We have to get her to the hospital. She may have hypothermia, and we can't waste any more time." He helped Henry settle Regina, and then climbed in. As he pulled away, he handed his phone to his grandson.

"Henry, call your grandmother. Tell her we're bringing your mother to the hospital, and if she wants she can meet us there. Emma can watch Neal."

Snow had been pacing back and forth in the apartment for the past hour. Her phone was gripped tightly in her hand, and little Neal had been put in the bassinet the moment they got back. She grew more and more worried as the minutes passed. How long did it take to check the house, mausoleum, and office? Those were the places she thought Regina might go to, but what was taking so long? Emma was watching her pace with troubled eyes, but for the moment Snow could not spare time to talk to her daughter. She needed to know Regina was alright, and then she could think about what she _could_ say to Emma.

The phone rang, startling everyone, including Killian, who nearly slid off the couch. Snow looked at the caller ID. David. She shakily swiped the phone and brought it to her ear.

"David?"

"No, Grandma, it's me," Henry said, and Snow felt her heart sink at the fear in her grandson's voice. "We found Mom, but something happened. She's so cold, Grandma, and we have to take her to the hospital. Grandpa said Emma could watch Neal if you want to meet us there."

Snow heard Henry refer to Emma by name and not _mom_ , but she let it slide. That was not important right now.

"Henry, what happened?"

She could hear him swallow a sob. "We don't know. We got to the barn and found her on the ground, and her skin was ice cold and her lips were blue."

"The barn?" Snow said in confusion. Why would Regina be at the barn? Her eyes widened. Had she been trying to reactivate the portal?

"Yes," Henry said. "I think…I think maybe she was trying to go back and finish what Zelena wanted…to make sure she was never born."

Snow gasped. Dear God, had Regina really felt that there was nothing in this world that merited her presence? That no one would care if she erased herself from the timeline? That things would be better off without her?

"I'll meet you there," she said, and then added, in a gentle tone, "She'll be alright, Henry. Your Mom's strong."

She closed the phone and turned to see both Emma and Killian looking at her with confusion and apprehension.

"They found Regina, but they're taking her to the hospital," Snow said bluntly. She saw Emma flinch at her words. She sighed and stepped closer to cup her daughter's cheek. "Emma, I'm sure she'll be fine. She's strong."

She couldn't bring herself to say it wasn't Emma's fault, because really, it was. Though the portal had been Zelena's, it had been Emma's choice to bring Marian with her without asking her name or anything else about her. She sketched a smile for Emma and grabbed her coat.

"You two are OK to watch Neal until I call?" she asked. Emma and Killian nodded, and Snow ran down to the car. On the way to the hospital, she kept wondering exactly why Regina had been at the barn, and what had happened to her.

When she got to the hospital, she was directed to where her husband and grandson were waiting. When Henry saw her, he ran and buried his face in her shoulder. She held him tightly and looked at David. He shook his head.

"Whale's still working with her. We were right, she did have hypothermia. They're trying to warm her up."

Snow rubbed Henry's back, and after a few minutes Whale came out. He looked concerned.

"How is she?" The three of them spoke at the same time, and it was a strange chorus. Whale sighed.

"We're warming her up and putting in some fluids. She's responding nicely to the treatment, but she's still unconscious, and that does have me a little worried." He looked at David. "I don't understand. It's like she was outside in a blizzard for hours, but it hasn't been cold enough. And you found her in the open?"

David nodded. "But where we found her…there were patches of ice all over the place, and for some reason it was far colder than town." He frowned. "But even then I was OK in just my jacket."

Whale shook his head and looked at Henry. "Well, like I said, she's responding to treatment. I'll keep her overnight in case something changes, but I'm sure she'll be able to go home in the morning." He led them to a room, where Regina was lying in a bed, an IV steadily dripping and a warming blanket covering her. Henry quickly sat down and took his mother's free hand, and Snow felt David's arm come around her shoulders at her quick intake of breath. Regina looked so frail. Snow felt one thought running through her mind.

 _Dear God, Regina, what happened to you?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's following, favorited, or reviewed this story! I didn't expect it. So in this chapter we get a little glimpse more into Snow's feelings, which I think were sorely lacking on the show. We also get a little bit of what's been happening with Robin since that night. Anything that is changed is just what I imagine, since this is going AU after the season 3 finale. Hope you all enjoy!_

 **Chapter 2**

Snow gently tried the door to Regina's house. Surprisingly, it was open. She frowned. Regina would never have left it open if she was in the right state of mind. She pushed the door open and went inside, closing the door behind her with a gentle click.

Henry was safely at school, so that would not be a problem. She sighed. Henry was still angry with Emma for her role in the Marian situation, and refused to go to the apartment with her. While a part of Snow understood her grandson's anger-Regina _was_ his mother, the one who'd raised and adored him, and it was good that he was so protective of her-the larger part of her, the part that hurt at her daughter's obvious pain, hoped that he would let the anger go and forgive Emma. She knew that what he stated were entirely his own feelings, and nothing that Regina would have said to him.

"Regina?" she called. She listened, but there was no response. She shivered and tightened her sweater around her, rubbing her arms. The house was so still and cold that she might have been in the mausoleum. The ticking of the clock on the wall was the only thing she heard. She headed towards the stairs and placed a hand on the railing.

She looked up. The hallway was wreathed in shadow, but what Snow felt, looking up, was not fear. Instead, a great wave of sadness flowed over her. She sighed and headed up the stairs.

It had been three days, and the indomitable Mayor had yet to show herself. Henry, obviously, had seen his mother, but no one else had. Snow was worried, and not just by Regina's absence. Henry had called his grandmother last night and spoke to her with urgency. His mom was nowhere near herself, Henry had reported, and he'd never seen her like this. It wasn't that she was just sad, or had clung to him for hours after she'd woken up in the hospital that first terrible night.

"Grandma, it's more than just that," Henry had said, his voice sad and scared. "It's that she seems so…broken. And I don't know what to do to help her."

Of all the things that Snow had seen Regina be, _broken_ was never one of them. She'd gripped the phone tightly as she'd listened to her grandson and made the determination to see Regina the very next morning. That first night, David had argued, it was cold, and he'd been worried both about Regina's physical state as well as her emotional state of mind after he and Henry found her unconscious and so, so cold in front of the barn where Zelena's portal had blazed. Snow clenched her jaw. Well, it was still cold, and they were still worried about Regina's state of mind, but Snow wouldn't wait any longer. Her concern for Regina was choking her.

It was the one thing David didn't truly understand, Snow mused as she moved down the hallway towards Regina's room. For all that he now appreciated Regina, had come to regard her as a friend, even as family, that was as far as he could take it. The fact that Snow actually loved her was still such a mystery to him.

But love her she did. She always had. She was one of the few people who'd known Regina from the beginning, from the young and innocent woman who'd saved a child, to the Evil Queen, to the wielder of Light Magic. Only Rumpelstiltskin and Jefferson had known her almost as long, and Snow was fairly sure the Dark One's feelings towards Regina, and Jefferson's as well, for that matter, were nothing like her own. Even through all the anger and pain, rage and revenge, Snow had held on to that first image of Regina. The young woman riding her horse at breakneck speed to save the life of a young girl, with no thought to her own safety or to anything but the rescue, was the person Snow recalled after all these years. It was what kept her from killing Regina in the several occasions that she'd had the opportunity to do so, it was what let her believe in Regina as Henry's mother, it was what gave her such surety that Regina could protect her and her baby. It was what made her one of the few, along with Henry, so _un_ surprised that Regina could use Light Magic.

Snow was brought out of her ruminations when she reached Regina's room. She paused. The door was slightly ajar, and Snow could hear only silence. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

The bedroom was, if anything, even colder than the rest of the house. Only one window was uncovered to let in light. Snow finally spotted Regina sitting on the unmade bed, hair mussed, in a pair of blue silk pajamas.

She almost gasped. Regina looked…small. Henry had been right to worry. Snow knew, objectively, that Regina was not much taller than her, and just as slim-well, overall, slimmer now, what with Snow's pregnancy weight gain-, but the image she projected was so much larger than life.

Snow walked forward slowly, but with no hesitation. She was no longer willing to be hesitant with Regina, no longer going to sit back and _hope_ that something would help Regina change. _She_ would be that something, to get back the woman she had met all those years ago.

She sank down next to Regina and gently touched her shoulder.

"Regina?"

"What are you doing here, Snow?" Regina asked. Her voice was raspy, only the faintest hint of the strong Queen she'd been, and choked with tears and pain.

"I was worried about you," Snow replied. "It's been three days, and no one's seen or heard from you, except for Henry. Three days, Regina. I had no idea if you were alright."

"You don't have to worry, Princess. I'm not going to do anything to your precious daughter. There's no point…and it's not me, not anymore." The tone of her voice showed expectation for Snow to contradict her and say that yes, she had been worried about some sort of retaliation from Regina, and no, she didn't know it wasn't who Regina was. Instead, Snow cocked her head and smiled gently.

"I know that, Regina. I wasn't worried about that. I was worried about _you._ " She paused for a moment, taking in Regina's blink of surprise, and then continued in a thoughtful tone. "You know, I've just experienced something that many parents experience but never want to, though you may avoid it, since Henry is such a good boy." She took a deep sustaining breath. "I've discovered what it feels like to be truly and deeply disappointed in your own child."

Regina turned her head towards her at that, and Snow met her red-rimmed eyes steadily. Regina searched those clear green depths and found, to her surprise, no recrimination or blame or guile. They were wiser than Regina remembered, naiveté gone and replaced by the strength of experience, and they were only full of compassion and concern.

"Disappointed? How could you possibly be disappointed in… _her_?" She could barely _think_ Emma's name, much less choke it out to sit like poison on her lips. "She's your long-lost baby, precious _Savior_ , mother of your grandson. She-"

"Yes, she's all that you mentioned," Snow interrupted gently. "But much like her mother, she does have a glaring fault. She is impulsive at times, and…just doesn't think." She gave Regina a slow, rueful smile at that.

"I had a long talk with my daughter yesterday," Snow continued. "I wanted to know what she was thinking in bringing along-in _doing_ what she did." Snow broke off and changed her words before saying Marian's name, as she saw the stiffening of Regina's shoulders. "I also had a short visit with Gold."

Regina cocked her head to the side slightly. "What did he have to say?"

Snow sighed. "Changing the past like she did is going to bring severe repercussions. He can't say what they could be, but we're definitely going to feel them."

Regina let out a breath.

"Yes, Fate's quite the bitch when you try to screw with her. I should know." Her mouth twisted in pain as she thought of the payback Fate was extracting from her for her cowardice at the tavern all those years ago, to bring Robin to her again only to rip him away.

Snow covered her hand and squeezed gently. Regina looked down at Snow's hand in almost exactly the same position it had been when she'd encouraged her to find happiness. What wrong advice _that_ had been!

"At any rate," Snow started again, "I talked with Emma-" and she clearly noted Regina flinch-"about her actions. About why she brought…her…forward instead of leaving her in the woods or in a town nearby or something. Hook even told her more than once that changing the past was a bad idea." She snorted. "Imagine Killian Jones being the voice of reason in this situation."

Regina said nothing, but kept her eyes on Snow.

"She gave me all the reasons you would think: the woman had been in a dungeon and might still be hunted, they wouldn't know if she'd gotten home OK or with her family safe, she had a duty as the Savior to help her. And they were all good reasons, but something about what she said was lacking."

Snow sighed again and tightened her grip on Regina for what was coming next.

"She finally told me what I'm going to say is the truth. Emma saved her because she wanted to prove how worthy she was, how much of a hero…how much of a role model she could be for Henry. In spite of everything we've gone through and how much love we've given her…her real motivations were still…selfish." She bit her lip and looked up to meet Regina's eyes.

"And more importantly…in trying to prove something to us and to Henry…she hurt you. She _hurt_ you, Regina, and that is the worst thing of all."

Snow's last words blew away the anger that had been building in Regina upon hearing Emma's true motivations. She looked curiously at Snow.

"Why-" her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "Why would you think that's the worst thing of all?"

Snow frowned at Regina and shook her head.

"Because with everything you've gone through, Regina, with everything life and the world-and me-have thrown at you, you're still here, the _most_ resilient heart, and still try harder than anyone I know to be good. And you are good, the Light Magic proved it, you _are_ good and you protect and care for the people around you even though we don't appreciate it like we should. You are the _last_ person who should be hurt right now. And I am so sorry that you hurt."

Regina felt tears fill her eyes.

"Why do you show such concern for me, Snow? I saved you and your son because it was right and good. I wasn't trying to get any praise for it. So why?"

Snow smiled gently at Regina, so puzzled and uncertain.

"It's really simple, Regina. It's because I love you. I always have, from the day you first saved me. In spite of what you've done and my own anger, that's always been at the heart of it. I have always loved you, and I always will. You're my _family_ , Regina, and you always will be."

Regina was shocked beyond words, shocked enough to feel the tears dry in her eyes. Snow…loved her. Snow loved… _her_? With all their history, all the rage and pain and bitter disappointments, Snow still loved her. And she thought back to a young girl crawling in bed with her during a bad storm, a girl rushing to her in panic at the first sign of her period, a young woman shyly asking her opinion on her first formal ballgown.

And she was shocked further by the realization that she loved Snow too! She'd done her best, in the first few years before life in the castle became unbearable, to try and let go of her anger and care for Snow. And there had been moments, clear shining moments in those years, when she had been happy, and loved Snow for who she was, and laid aside what she had done.

Snow gave Regina a soft smile and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Did you know, before it all went bad, you'd been the mother I knew almost as long as my actual mother? And no child of any age wants to see their mother hurt."

Regina's eyes burned with tears again, and she tried to turn away from Snow. But the princess was determined, and forced her back.

"I can see you're hurting. You love Robin, don't you? And it killed you to see him turn to Marian, didn't it? And it kills you now that he isn't here for you, now, though for all I know he's been lurking in the woods behind your house each night."

Regina shook her head. "He hasn't," she whispered, and her pain slammed over her like a wave crashing on the beach. She hunched over, gasping, the grievous hurt at the appearance of Marian and Robin's abandonment clawing at her insides. Snow grabbed her and pulled her tightly in to her shoulder.

"Let it out, Regina," she said softly into Regina's ear. "Let it out, it's killing you." She felt Regina shake her head, and Snow tightened her grip. "I'm here, Regina, I'm here, you're not alone. Let it out."

She felt Regina trembling, felt her take a deep breath, and then she threw her head back and screamed. Her face raised to the ceiling, her eyes shut tight, her hands coming up to grip Snow's arms hard enough to hurt, she finally screamed her heartbreak out. Her magic, fueled by her emotions, flashed out of her and shattered every piece of glass in every window. Snow held tight to her, shaking with Regina's pain and her own for her, as glass rained down through every room in the house.

Regina then started sobbing, her body heaving in Snow's hold as her broken cries filled Snow's ears. Snow felt her own eyes fill as she held her former stepmother, former enemy, always her family. She could barely imagine losing David, and here Regina had lost not one, but two True Loves, and her mother, all at Snow or her family's hands. She gently rubbed Regina's back as she cried, and let her own tears fall unheeded down her cheeks. That was it. She was done hurting Regina, and she was done letting anyone else hurt her. Regina was her _family_ , and no one, _no one_ , got away with hurting her family.

A short while later, Regina's sobs tapered off into irregular hitching breaths. Snow kept rubbing her back, and felt Regina's fisted hands ease against her shoulders. She pulled back slightly and used her fingers to wipe away the last remnants of Regina's tears. She regarded the erstwhile Mayor steadily.

Her eyes were red and swollen, still leaking a few tears, and her cheeks were splotchy with emotion. And still, marveled Snow, Regina was the loveliest woman she'd ever seen.

She blinked as Regina lifted a shaky hand and swiped at a few tears under Snow's eyes. She'd forgotten that she'd been crying too. She gave Regina a tremulous smile, and felt it grow wider as Regina returned it with a small one of her own.

"Did that help at all?" Snow asked softly. She knew better than to optimistically state that Regina should feel better now. She knew perfectly well that a pain that deep wouldn't be lifted by a good cry. But at least the crying would allow some release of sorts.

Regina tilted her head and sucked in a small breath in surprise. While she didn't exactly feel _better_ , at least the horrific pain was blunted…a little.

"Yes, it did," she replied, her voice a little hoarse from the tears and her screams. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gazed at her former stepdaughter thoughtfully.

"Thank you," she whispered. Snow's eyes widened slightly, and then she smiled and clasped Regina's hand firmly in her own.

"No thanks needed, Regina. You saved my baby. There is nothing that I could do for you to equal that." She sighed and squeezed the hand she held. "I only wish I was expressing this in less…painful…circumstances."

Regina looked down at their joined hands. She shrugged.

"My circumstances…are rarely…painless."

Snow tightened her hands on Regina's, and shook her head. "And I wish it wasn't that way, I really do." She paused, taking a breath, and one hand brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Regina raised an eyebrow. She could tell that Snow has something unpleasant to say or ask.

"Regina…I couldn't ask before, in the hospital…but…what were you doing…at the barn?" Her eyes bored into Regina's, green against brown. "What were you thinking to do, going there?"

Regina looked away, not saying anything, but the tightness of her jaw spoke volumes to Snow. She bit down on the inside of her cheek to avoid blurting out something that would stop Regina from honestly answering the question. Regina finally looked back at Snow and sighed heavily.

"I just thought…perhaps it would be better for everyone…for you, for my father, for David and Granny and Tink…hell, even for Maleficent…and… _him_ …if I was just not…there." Her eyes shifted away and she swallowed. "And it wouldn't hurt anymore." Her voice was a whisper.

Snow felt something in her break, and a hot wave of anger coursed through her, at everyone that made Regina feel this small and worthless. And along with that anger came an accompanying wave of shame, at herself most of all. She could have simply asked for a governess, a lady-in-waiting…but no, she had to want more. She had to want a mother from the young woman who'd only been 18 when a young princess's selfish desire changed the course of everyone's lives, Regina most of all. She took one hand and laid it on Regina's shoulder.

"Don't you dare think that," she said. Regina's eyes widened at the fierceness of Snow's voice. "Don't you dare think that everything would have been better. Everything would be wrong! God, Regina, without you…I would never have met David. Abigail would be trapped in a loveless marriage with him. Tink would never have tried to get her wings. Ariel would never have attempted to meet Eric. My children, Regina…there would be no Emma…no little Neal…no Henry!"

She saw Regina flinch at the idea of never having her son.

"Gold would STILL have cast the curse, only using Zelena, and what the hell would THAT have been like? God, Regina…in spite of what you'd done, without you…everything would be so, SO wrong."

She pulled Regina into a tight hug, and felt her slowly respond. Finally, Regina pulled back and looked at Snow, who smiled a little before her face became serious again.

"Promise me Regina…promise me on your _son_ …that you will NEVER think that we're better off without you. _Promise_ me."

Regina sighed and then shook her head, a rueful smile on her lips.

"All right, I promise. I _promise_."

Snow smiled, satisfied, and Regina could help but to quirk her lips in return. Snow shivered as she finally registered the cold air in the room. Her eyes widened as she took in the empty window frames.

"Regina…do you think that was only in here?" She gestured towards the window, and Regina sighed.

"I hope so, but I have a feeling it was more than just in here."

Snow grabbed a pair of slippers and handed them to Regina, who raised an eyebrow.

"Let's go check the house. We can see how many windows are affected, and maybe we could get someone on repairs. Unless you can put all the glass back yourself?" She turned towards Regina, who shook her head as she slid on the slippers and stood up.

"I'm not particularly good at restorative magic, especially on inanimate objects. There's no energy to work with. If I _could_ restore the windows, I think it would take everything out of me."

Snow nodded, and they started their look through the house. As Regina feared, every single window was broken, and some mirrors as well. They stopped in the kitchen, where Snow shivered hard. As she rubbed her arms, she looked at Regina.

"Do you want to come home with me?" At Regina's startled glance, Snow gestured to the windows. "It's freezing in here, Regina."

Regina shook her head. "I can put a shield around the house for a few days…keep out the cold. Besides, I don't want to leave the house unprotected. I have a bad feeling."

Snow rubbed her arms again, and a thought popped into her mind.

"Regina…what happened to you out there at the barn? How could you get hypothermia when there was no storm, and in such a short time?"

Regina fiddled with a cup on the counter, and her eyes were dark and wide as she met Snow's gaze.

"I remember getting away…coming to the house and seeing…well, needing to get away from here too…and going to the barn. And after that…I have no idea." She swallowed, her eyebrows furrowed. "Snow, I have no _idea_ what happened to me."

OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ OQ

Robin Locksley walked aimlessly along the streets of town, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his heavy coat. It was getting increasingly colder, for no reason that anyone could explain. It was the wrong season, even though he'd been told that Maine was one of the colder of the areas in America, and there were no clouds, no storms. People were getting uneasy.

He'd just dropped Roland off at daycare as he had the day before, even though Marian said she was perfectly able to take care of her own son, thank you!

"I'm his mother, Robin," she'd said yesterday morning. "I can care for my son. He doesn't need to be taken to some stranger!"

Robin had pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to sigh.

"Marian, right now, YOU are a stranger to him. He _knows_ the people at daycare and he likes them. He has a _routine_. It's better that he get to know you slowly, with both of us here, than for him to think I just left him with a random person."

He saw Marian flinch at his words, and frowned. He hadn't spoken roughly or loud. But then she answered.

"And whose fault is it that I don't know my son? Whose dungeon did I end up in? And you _still_ dare to tell me that things have _changed_ with that woman?"

He'd cut her off then with an offer to show her around town more, as they'd spent the first couple of days reacquainting her with the Merry Men and other people, ad trying to explain what this realm was like. He'd found her some jeans and sweaters, which she'd reluctantly put on. The trip around town sufficiently distracted her, and this morning she'd slept in.

Robin sighed and rubbed his chin. He still hadn't explained his relationship with Regina to Marian. She was in a fragile mental state as it was, and he didn't know how to get her to understand that the Regina he knew…and… _loved_ …was not the woman she remembered. He closed his eyes in pain. He'd told Regina he loved her that morning, and spent the day making love to her before they'd dressed and taken Roland for an outing to the park before his ice cream. How could he explain to Marian…his _wife_ …that he'd fallen in love with another woman? That according to her, they were soulmates? Not that he dismissed the idea. His pull to Regina was stronger than anything he'd ever known, Marian included. He just didn't know how to say it to someone who'd never seen the change in the former Evil Queen.

He was just thankful that Marian hadn't tried to reinstate their intimate relationship in any way. It was hard enough to be around her without wanting Regina, and if she wanted more…he didn't know if he had it in him to be with her when his heart belonged to another. And somehow it seemed to him that Marian wasn't very eager to try either. Something about her was off, and Robin, who'd known her for a long time before they'd married, could tell. Something was on her mind, and she wasn't ready to share it yet.

He passed by Granny's, and a pang shot through his heart as he pictured he and Regina walking up almost four days ago, pausing to kiss in the gateway just before heading inside. He'd been so happy at that moment.

He paused as the door opened and Dr. Whale stepped through, clutching a large steaming coffee in his hands. He watched as the man cursed slightly as he juggled the coffee and a stack of papers. Whale looked up and spotted him, and hurried down the steps, turning to face Robin on the sidewalk.

"Glad I caught you, Locksley! Look, can you tell Regina when you see her that I don't care how good she thinks her magic is or how much she really doesn't want to see me, I had a follow-up scheduled for her yesterday and she missed it. You and I both know her healing magic isn't that good. She can call the hospital to reschedule."

"Reschedule?"

Whale sighed. "Her appointment. I would have preferred to see her the day after releasing her from the hospital, but I figured a couple of days would be better. She missed it anyway. Just do me a favor and tell her to call me at the hospital, ok?"

Robin swallowed and said in a low voice, "Regina and I…aren't…together…now. Haven't you heard what happened?"

Whale frowned. "I'm generally not really up on town gossip."

Then Whale's words finally registered, and Robin felt his stomach drop. Hospital? Regina had been in the hospital? He knew what that was; that was for far more than an ordinary illness. Why had she been in the hospital?

"Why was she there?"

Whale's eyes widened as Robin's words registered. "Wait, you're NOT together?"

"No. Why was she in the hospital?"

Whale fumbled with his papers. "I…can't say. You're not immediate family or a partner. Doctor-patient confidentiality. I've already said too much."

Robin grabbed Whale by the collar of his overcoat, his hands fisted on either side of the man's throat.

"Why was Regina in the hospital? What's wrong?" he growled out.

Whale looked frightened, but then he pushed angrily at Robin's hands.

"I can't TELL you, Locksley! You're going to have to ask Regina herself!"

Robin dropped his hands, and Whale huffed and juggled his papers and coffee, miraculously not spilt, with one hand while the other smoothed his coat.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I can't talk to you about Regina. Just…if you do see her…tell her she needs to see me. It's important."

Robin nodded, and watched Whale hurry down the street. He stood there, and a shiver passed through his frame. Fear gripped his heart in a vise. What was wrong with Regina that she'd been in the hospital? His stomach tightened as he realized that if Whale had scheduled an appointment for yesterday, then Regina had been released the morning after Marian came back…which meant something had happened to her that night. Something had happened…and no one had told him.

Shame followed at knowing that she didn't trust telling him, but fear won out. He needed to know what had happened to Regina, and he would find out as soon as possible. He clenched his jaw and turned around, heading for Regina's house, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Regina, please…just tell me what happened," he whispered as he strode towards her home.


End file.
